Lesson 4: There is no happily ever after.

There is no forever. Whatever you expect to happen in 5 years won't. But usually it turns out for the better. Right?

I am grateful for unexpected phone calls from good friends. I am grateful for people with nice smiles who tell me it's really good to see me. I am grateful for big rooms and big tables. I am grateful for sympathetic mirrors. I am grateful to be living in an awesome city.

How is it that I can feel happy and sad about everything concerning everything, all at once? Why is it that every time I seem to forget a little bit about who I am? (Not so much this time, though.) Or is this just an opportunity to rediscover that part of me? How are you supposed to know what is right and what is wrong? What is smart and what is stupid? Listen to your gut instinct, but don't do something drastic without a good reason. Let it out, but control yourself. Know what you want and stand up for yourself, but compromise. This is your life and you need to live it the way you need to live it. It's not all about you. You're learning. You're growing. You're getting stronger. It's out of my hands now, so I can start moving on. I'm cluttering up my own computer screen, and that's my business. Everything will be o.k.

I know it will. And it does, again and again.

Who am I, and in what direction should I be growing? What should I be needing? Maybe I don't care enough. Or do I care too much? What does it mean to be true to myself? Am I crazy? Or is this just normal?

When I grow up, I want to be a tree.

I want to be able to cry like I'm 2 and not have that be a problem.

I want the secret confidence that I had at age 4.

I like being able to make people smile when they see me smiling at them.

I remember when I was able to tell myself, "you can do ___ better than anyone else", and then I would.

I remember when it was okay to not know things.