Oregon

This morning, a friend of mine started on her way to Pierre, South Dakota with her dog and a car full of her belongings.

I'd like to go to Oregon sometime. I just imagine that it's absolutely beautiful there. I bet it has lots of amazing places for running.

I wonder how much of our motivation is aspiring towards our goals, and how much of it is running from something we don't like or want.

You wouldn't think that Going to Sleep Early would be such a difficult feat to accomplish.

So anyway, there's this thing coming up that I'm looking forward to immensely and dreading quite terribly, simultaneously. There's what I secretly want, what I think I want, what I think I should want, what I wish I wanted, what I think is good for me to want, etc. etc. Regardless of what I want or want to want or whatever, I feel lonely, I feel left behind, and I feel like I'm still not whole. And that's just the truth. There's no back-tracking from this point, though. It's as though the bridge's been burned, but the cliff that held the other end is still very much in view. What's to keep me from diving off the edge and trying to swim back? Fear of drowning. Common sense. Pride and dignity. A sense of hopelessness. So why not just forge ahead? Why hesitate, why look back? Is it regret? Sometimes I think that all I want is for the bridge to be rebuilt, just so I can make it a point to not cross it ever. Could I do that? Would I do that?

Just take me to Oregon already.

Take me to Oregon because it has nothing to do with anything.

Take me to Oregon because I feel lost already, so I might as well feel completely lost in a place I don't know at all.