So on the plus side of things, it's a lot like getting to play House in elementary school. Who do you want to be? The mom? The sister? The baby? The nanny? I'm wearing a pretty red dress. Well, I'm making dinner right now and then I'm going to go get a haircut. No, I don't feel like watching a movie today... Let's play chess instead. Now I'm going to take a nap. Soon maybe I'm moving to Boston. Now I'm going to be a painter. I'm going to get up at 5:30am every single morning to run for 5-10 miles, and maybe I'll even become a Hapkido maniac, dye my hair orange, buy some new shoes, work in a restaurant, and be a Broadway star. Could you go get me some potatoes? Don't forget, next time I get to be the sister.
Sometimes I also suspect that I secretly enjoy this sort of thing. It reassures me that I am, in fact, both alive and human. And then there are also all of the possibilities. Maybe in five years... you'll see. Or maybe there'll be a huge fight, and we'll never speak again. Maybe we'll meet in England. Maybe we'll just miss each other on the bus. Either way, it's like being in my own personal TV show, or novel. It's kind of romantic in that way. And it makes me feel like kind of a big deal. Kind of.
Der Kuntsgriff ist, besondere Dinge zu vergessen und sich an besondere Dinge zu erinnern. Aber wie kann man versuchen etwas schön zu vergessen? Wie kann man wünschen, das etwas schön nie passiert ist?
I am so alive right now."
Rereading this entry made me stop and think. It's amazing to realize how much of the same person I am from a year ago in spite of certain technicalities, and how comforting that is. If there were ever any one thing to show who I am... this is it. And I really wouldn't wish for anything different.
Good night. World, I love you.
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